They say three time’s a charm. Well, my parents didn’t seem overly charmed when I returned home after not one, not two but three attempts to move out…
The media is full of tales of the 30-somethings dubbed Boomerang kids, enjoying their disposable incomes at the expense of their parents but not all of us are enjoying occupying the nest.
I truly want to leave home, I really do and realistically I could have left six months ago but they’re making it so incredibly easy to stay…
Since the recession which, let’s face it feels like it has been blamed for pretty much every unfortunate or less than desired situation, the media has loved regaling the tales of the generation who have had years of fun at university courteous of the bank of mum and dad and have repaid them how? By returning home, eating their way though the cupboards and not showing any signs of departing anytime soon.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure there’s plenty of stay at homers who simply want to take advantage of endless hangover sympathy from mummy (boys) or countless lifts from dad because he still thinks you’re 16 and therefore unsafe to get taxis alone (girls). But there comes a time when I’m now longing to watch Pointless in silence and not be force fed shepherds pie (my food hell if I ever appear on Saturday Kitchen).
And on more than a handful of occasions I have seriously contemplated that living alone and tolerating a diet of crackers and whoops grub would be preferable just so i don’t have to closet my love of expletives, instead adopting ‘parent-safe’ equivalents such as WTF and shut the f…. front door. My mum has even started to use mother trucker in her every day vocab. It feels too late now to tell her the truth.
But what these case studies forever in the press fails to say is that not everyone living at Casa Parental wants to be in the situation. After 15 months back at the nest, I’ve had a handful of final straw situations which have forced the flat hunting to begin. The first was when I was about to cut myself some chocolate cake one day when suddenly a booming voice in my left ear said: “let me do that, knives are dangerous.” I’m 30 years of age, Dad. The second was when it just became too humiliating having friends in my room and explaining the matching curtains and bedspread from BHS that my grandma bought me at age 9. For my single bed.
“So why don’t you leave?” I hear you cry! 2013 is the year it’s happening. Whatever is thrown at me and whatever quandaries it poses I shall move out. But I’ll still accept food parcels from mum and let dad give me the occasional lift though, you know, just so they feel needed.